I don’t like feeling this way. There’s so much more going on in the world that I feel guilty when I am in this state. Especially knowing how blessed and fortunate I am. But, its not an emotion. Its an environment of negativity and the need to distance myself from everyone. I can’t just ‘get over’ it or ‘be happy’. Nobody understands and its so difficult at times to explain how this isn’t something I can control. Its so overpowering sometimes I feel like I’m literally trying to break out of my own body but it won’t let me. I’m a prisoner in my own mind. I don’t like asking for help but its getting to a point where I can’t do this on my own anymore. Its starting to effect me in ways I never imagined. I don’t know what to do but just sleep hoping when I wake up I will feel different. I wish I had specific reasons, reasons people could understand. I just don’t know.

I am really trying. I have let go of being bitter but sometimes anger just comes so naturally. Its easy to get mad. I feel like I am owed so much, of all the things I missed out on. I’m 22 and I still find myself acting like a child crying over the presents I didn’t get. I find myself thinking why am I reacting this way? But, its so hard. School doesn’t teach you to deal with certain situations like this they teach you how to add and your abc’s and some social interactions. Even watching movies and television shows doesn’t help. How do you deal with brokenness when you’re supposed to be a grown adult? I guess every moment and every day will be a battle between myself. I’m trying.